Crappucino
by Cypher
Summary: Daniel wants his expensive coffee, Jack says no, so nobody's getting any. Slashfic, challenge response.


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Crappucino

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By Cypher

Jack stalked towards the head of the anthropological office with one goal in mind. Well, two, but one was illegal on base. That was part of the problem with the relationship he was in. No matter how much he wanted to, he couldn't do anything in public. Not that his partner seemed to mind. It hadn't put any strain on their relationship, not one bit.

That didn't mean he could play favorites, though, and as much as he loved Daniel, there were some things he couldn't ignore. Not always following orders, not always picking up on native hostility, snake baiting, he could excuse and forgive those. But not this. This had Hammond hopping mad, and there was no way he could defend his lover on this.

Not that he wanted to. Even he thought it was ridiculous. And Daniel actually thought he could get away with it. Well, he had another thing coming. Entering the doctor's office without even a knock on the open door, he rested his hands on the man's desk and stared at him. And Daniel, that beautiful and infuriating man, didn't even look up. He simply kept reading over some alien text that had his attention. "I'm cutting you off."

"I'm a little busy now, Jack."

Jack put his hand over the text. "I'm cutting you off. As of now."

Daniel sighed through his nose and finally looked up. "Cutting me off from what?"

"Coffee. Specifically, the coffee that's costing us six hundred dollars a month." Jack sensed his partner go tense. "Don't even bother defending this. Six hundred dollars, Daniel. When it costs millions of dollars just to turn on the lights, we don't have the luxury of buying over seven thousand dollars worth of coffee a year."

"It's just a little treat for me, Jack. And with everything I've done for this program, I think they could indulge me a little."

"Well, indulge in something that costs less than six hundred a month. Carter, Teal'c, and the rest of us already shell out fifty bucks for that fancy French crap you insist on keeping on base."

Daniel pinned Jack with a hard gaze, and Jack took a step back. "That 'French crap,' as you put it, has saved your life a number of times. And I am not giving up my coffee."

"Well we're not paying for it any more." Jack stood up and crossed his arms. "What kind of coffee costs six hundred bucks, anyways?"

"Indonesian, and it's three hundred a pound. I think you guys are rather lucky. I'd prefer to have more than two pounds a month, but I restrained myself since I know you uptight military types are sticklers with money."

Jack bristled. "Uptight military types?"

"Just go away, Jack." Daniel looked back down to manuscript, though his body language told everyone and anyone that he was pissed about something. "And I want that coffee."

"You're not getting any."

"Then neither are you, O'Neill. Neither are you."

()

That had been a week ago. Jack figured that Daniel would be upset for a couple of days, then calm down and come home. They'd have hot make-up sex, Daniel would be happy with the usual French crap, and life would return to normal.

It hadn't. If anything, it was worse.

Daniel hadn't even made the attempt to phone Jack, much less get himself invited over. He was completely formal around Jack on base, and there was this air about him that should Jack try to get close, he'd find a foot planted squarely where the sun don't shine. Jack even went as far as to ask Teal'c and Carter to try and placate Daniel.

Carter had come back crying. Teal'c just locked himself in his room for over ten hours. And neither would say exactly what had happened. All he knew was that the civilian consultants under Daniel were suddenly acting jumpy, and the military personnel on that level had all made requests for reassignment.

Entering week two, Jack finally bit the bullet and went to see Daniel himself. It wasn't hard. No one was in the immediate area. He didn't stay long, though. The instant he stepped into the doorway a glass of something hot--tea, he realized from the smell--hurtled towards his head. If it weren't for his quick reflexes, he'd have landed in the infirmary. Making a quick retreat, he sniffed the tea and realized it was the same brand as Fraiser's. He made a mental note to thank her for trying.

Unfortunately, it wasn't just his sex life and the personnel suffering Daniel's little protest. Translations and treaties had been piling up, and Hammond had simply gotten the reply "No coffee, no workee" when he asked Daniel about it. This was apparently something his Danny wasn't going to back down from. "Sir, I think we should seriously consider adding a coffee allotment to our budget."

"As much as I'd like to, you and I both know I can't." Hammond glanced at his laptop. "Do you know about this coffee?"

Jack stuffed his hands in his pockets. "Not much, sir." He knew what kind of coffee Daniel liked after sex, and what kind to use to wake him up, but other than the French stuff, he had no clue what Daniel liked to drink on base. "Why?"

"It's considered the fine wine of coffee." Hammond turned his laptop around for Jack to see. "Kopi Luwak beans. "

Jack skimmed the information and wrinkled his nose. "Ew. Does Daniel even know how these things are made?"

"Most likely. And with only five hundred pounds produced a year, it's a small wonder it's as cheap as it is." Hammond turned the computer around again and stared at it. "Do you suppose Doctor Jackson would be willing to negotiate on quantity?"

Jack blinked. He doubted it, but anything was worth a try. "I can try sir. But you know our Daniel. When he makes his mind up…"

"I know. See what you can do, though. We can't have this protest keep up much longer, and he's too valuable to lose. And we do owe him…"

"Yes sir." Jack about faced and marched his way to the elevator. He had a hell of a fight ahead of him. His lover was an expert negotiator, after all. Maybe if he could get the security cameras off for a few minutes, he could try convincing him with less conventional methods…

()

Daniel inhaled the scent of the Kopi Luwak coffee and let out a content sigh. He gave Jack a small smile before taking a sip of it. "There, that wasn't so hard, was it?"

Jack resisted the urge to kick his partner under the table. The negotiations had taken a couple hours, but they had finally settled on half a pound a month. Hammond accepted that easily. Of course, he didn't know about the other part of the deal, where Jack was going to have to be dragged around by his lover on a six museum tour next month. If the Goa'uld ever got the balls to attack Earth, he hoped it was next month. "How can you drink that? You do know it's basically crappucino."

Daniel paused in his drinking and raised an eyebrow. "Crappucino?"

"It's cat shit, Daniel."

"Yes."

"So how can you drink it?"

Daniel sighed and handed his cup over. Jack hesitated, then took it and, after sniffing the liquid, he took a small sip. Then another. Then he downed the rest of the cup, ignoring Daniel's indignant protests. Okay. So crappucino wasn't as bad as he thought. Maybe he'd shell out the hundred-fifty himself to get a bag for home. It would certainly put him in a higher standing with his archeologist.

"Jack! You ass!"

Jack grinned and pushed the empty cup back to Daniel. He'd be spending another night or two alone, but the taste was worth it. He wondered if Daniel would be willing to share with the right…incentives. He settled back in his seat and began plotting as Daniel poured himself another cup of coffee.

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Author's Prattle: This fic came about from a ML challenge and a newspaper article. It took a while for this one to work its way through my system, and I'd like to thank my beta (you know who you are) for helping me through this one. And yes, the information in this story ARE true. Again, part of the inspiration is from a newspaper article, so a lot of the data is from researching that.

Disclaimer. I don't own Stargate SG-1, its characters or setting. It belongs to SciFi and Gekko Productions. I'm just using them in an effort to flex my writing skills.

So, that's it. Again, sorry I haven't been posting/updating much, but real live (finals, moving) has just gotten in the way. As always, feedback is welcome, and I hope you enjoyed!


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